Would You Still Have Me?
by Enchantm3nt
Summary: Months ago, Rhaiya Lavellan chose Solas over Cullen, but her feelings for the ex-templar never quite went away. Now, after being dumped by the Egg, she is all alone. Or so she thinks. [Breakup Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Shared Feelings, and My Attempt at Implicit Smut]. Rated M because I suck at writing implicitly.


_So, I haven't posted anything for Inquisition yet, and it's about damn time I did. So here we are!_

 _I literally cannot romance Solas without flirting HARD with Cullen - they're both so fucking dreamy. I am pretty sure every single Solas romance I've done has had Cullen at the stage where you could start a romance with him, if you weren't with Mr. Egg and I always feel so fucking bad for him! So this little plot bunny decided to bug me one day, and here it is, finally finished!_

 _I mean, technically it's rebound sex... but with all the feelings tangled into it, it's more than that, you know? But this is the implicit version - for the explicit stuff you'll need to head over to my AO3 (link is on my profile)._

 _I hope you like it! Oh and I wanted to throw a quick thanks out to Carapatzin for the incredible and hilarious beta. You are amazing, my dear!_

 **Would You Still Have Me?**

Rhaiya clenched and unclenched her fingers. Her gloves creaked in the cold; her fingers felt like they'd do the same, given how stiff they were. She had lost track of just how long she had been out here. The sun had set long ago, that much she knew. Yet still she remained, rooted to the spot. All around her the snow piled up. It covered her boots now, right to her ankles. She didn't care, though.

Her elven eyes affixed back on the target dummy, she drew another arrow, then loosed it. A crack and a thud told her it had landed true, right through another arrow, before her eyes could confirm it through the blustery snowstorm raging around her.

She was probably freezing. She ought to be. But she felt too numb to know for sure.

They had begged her to come inside. Soldiers. Advisors. Friends. She had ignored them all. Now she was alone in the snow. But, right now, that's what she wanted. She needed to _think_. Outside, with her bow, that was where she could figure things out best. It's where she was herself. Or it used to be. She wasn't sure who that was anymore.

Gone was the girl who left her clan with hope and determination sparkling in her blue eyes. She had changed so much from that young Dalish hunter. She felt so much older now. She hadn't noticed it before, how weary she was, because _he_ had been there, at her side. Always. Or so she had thought. He was gone, and now she had no-one. All hope of returning to her people once this was over was gone too. With everything she had experienced here, everything she had learned in the temple, and from Solas, she couldn't go back to them, back to their way of life. They wouldn't understand, wouldn't accept her, not with her bare face. And she wouldn't survive another rejection.

She wasn't angry with him. He had every right to end things, if that's what he wanted. But it was clear he had struggled with it as much as she had. She didn't believe he _did_ want it. He promised her answers, once this was all done. But waiting for them was already proving difficult. She had been so _happy_. That was gone now, replaced with sorrow and an aching heart. He had told her to sharpen her anger, to direct it at Corypheus. But the only anger she felt was at herself for falling so hard for him. That had been foolish. She was the Inquisitor; she needed to have a clear head, which was exactly why she was out here now. But it was unprofessional to have let it happen in the first place.

A strand of her cabernet red hair blew free of her braid and she tucked it behind the point of her ear, doubting it would stay there very long. She went to nock another arrow but found none in her quiver. With a frustrated sigh, she shrugged the snow off of her boots and trudged through the thick snow to the arrow-pincushioned target. The wind howled around her, hitting her face with such a bite it felt like shards of ice were slicing into her skin. She grit her teeth and set about removing her arrows.

It was the sound of snow crunching that gave her pause, however. Someone was walking toward her through the storm, a heavy human by the sounds of it, almost certainly in armour. She caught sight of their silhouette heading her way. They ambled almost clumsily through the snowdrifts, one arm held up, sheltering their face as the winds whipped against them.

It wasn't until they got closer that she realised it was Cullen. She found her eyes widening slightly with surprise at that revelation. Things between them had been uncomfortable for some time now. She still remembered the feel of his lips on hers, of his weight pressing her against the wall. She had found him sweet and charming and easy on the eyes. But at the time, that kiss on the battlements had paled in comparison to the one she had shared with Solas in the Beyond. She had been completely enamoured with the elf, and it showed. Cullen had eventually asked her what her feelings were. She would call herself a fool now for picking wrong, but at the time, her feelings for Solas had been stronger.

Every time she spoke with Cullen now, it felt like there were so many unspoken words. They were good friends, despite it all. But they both knew they could have been more. That realisation had never stung more than it did right now. It felt like icicles were twisting in her gut. She watched her breath ghost out in front of her as she waited for him to reach her, trying to calm the nerves she suddenly felt. Ignoring him would be impossible, that she knew already, but facing him would be just as hard.

"Inquisitor?" he called out, apparently still having not spotted her in the blustering darkness. She always forgot how poor human eyes were compared with her own.

She let out a sigh and shouldered her quiver. "Here, Cullen." She heard his sigh of relief even over the wind as he turned to face her. She walked toward him, saving the man further fumbling in the snow.

"Thank the Maker," he breathed out. "It's freezing out here," he said, teeth chattering. "I'm here to bring you inside."

She stopped a little in front of him, but gave him her back as she lifted her bow once more to shoot. Part of her wondered if he had chosen to come out here to talk to her or if he had drawn the short straw and been sent out to deal with her. Considering her mood, it was likely a little of both.

"Lady Lavellan?" he asked as he shuffled through the snow to stand at her left. She spared him a glance, noticing the worry lines etched into his forehead. It was so cold out, the snow hadn't even melted where it rested in his hair. Her red locks no doubt looked just as frosty.

"I'm not ready to go inside yet, Cullen," she replied as she let fly an arrow.

"You're white as snow," he said, and she didn't have to look at him to know he was frowning at her. "You've been out here for hours. Whatever's happened, we can talk about it, inside, before you catch your death." There was a pause of panted breath lost to the wind. She saw his head tilt out of the corner of her eye. " _Please._ "

The concern lacing his words made her falter as she loosed her next arrow. She hadn't meant to make others worry about her. But it was her responsibility to sort her own head out; she couldn't rely on others to do that for her.

"As I told the others, I'm out here to think, Cullen. The longer you disturb me, the longer I'll be out here for."

With a shake of his head he rubbed at the back of his neck. "There are safer ways to think," he replied. "The Inquisition cannot lose you." He faltered slightly. " _I_ cannot lose you," he added, whispering.

Her breath hitched in her throat and she dropped her bow arm. With another glance at him, her resolve shattered. He was watching her with such anguish etched into his handsome features that it made her heart ache to see it. And he was right. There were other ways to think, shooting arrows just happened to be the most natural one to her.

Her shoulders slumped and she nodded. His relieved sigh left him in a rush and he surged forward, fluidly removing his cloak before he draped it around her shoulders. It was only as the heat from the thick furs hit her that she realised just how utterly frozen she was. Shivers wracked her body as she tugged the cloak tight against her. Then Cullen's solid arm was around her shoulder and steering her back up the hill toward Skyhold.

"Maker, you're freezing," he said as he pulled her closer to his side. She didn't protest, her entire body felt like winter itself. Her legs were so stiff she could barely clear them over the snowdrifts. She got barely a few paces before she tripped.

"Inquisitor!" he cried as he caught her.

"I'm okay, Cullen, just… cold."

She didn't hear his muttered words over the wind circling them both, but the next thing she knew, he was scooping her up in his arms and carrying her through the storm. She was too cold to care as she nuzzled closer to his warmth, her eyes beginning to drift shut.

"Stay awake, Rhaiya," he said, shaking her slightly. Her eyes flew open and she frowned.

"I am… I am. I was just resting my eyes."

"Don't do that, please."

"For you, fine," she mumbled as she instead focused on watching him. His expression was so grave, so worried, but his eyes were alit with an emotion she couldn't quite place. Her gloved fingers curled against his armour and she pressed her head closer to his chest, feeling his hammering heartbeat beneath. Hers was much slower in comparison, she realised. That ought to worry her, but it didn't. She always felt safe around Cullen.

It didn't take long for them to reach Skyhold. She could see lights flickering in the darkness like a beacon. He walked them under the portcullis; she had expected him to take her toward the main hall. Instead he turned right, toward _his_ tower. He opened the door, somehow managing to hold her against him with just an arm and knee, and then he carried her past the threshold and kicked the door shut behind them. The warmth of his office hit her full in the face like a tropical breeze and she smiled into it.

"Are you okay to stand?" he asked, his voice sounding a little strained to her ears. She nodded and he placed her back on her feet.

He locked the door and then he was crouching at her feet. He glanced up at her. "We need to get you out of your wet boots," he explained plainly. He was back to being the Commander. She was a task he needed to complete now. Her wet socks came off next and he left them all in a neat pile by the door.

"Come, let's get you warmed up," he said, holding out his hand for her.

"Cullen, you don't need to go to all this-"

"I do," he snapped. His brows furrowed and his hand dropped to his side. "You should not have been out there so long, in that weather – that _storm_." He looked up at her, eyes narrowed. "What were you thinking?"

"That I had to _think_ ," she growled.

"Apparently at the expense of your own safety," he retorted.

"I'm _fine_ , Cullen."

"If I hadn't found you when I did…" He let out a rough breath. "You should not take such risks."

"What made you come out at all?" she asked, scowling. Apparently she was a glutton for punishment today.

He sighed heavily, his gaze lifting to meet hers. "Dorian was arguing with Solas as I walked through the rotunda to reach my office," he explained. She recoiled at the realisation that he probable knew everything. "They mentioned that you were outside in the storm, shooting at targets. Solas seemed to think it wasn't his place to bring you back in. I was out the door before he could finish his sentence."

She shivered at his words, and he took that to mean she was cold. She still was, but not nearly as badly as she had been out there.

He seemed to snap into his 'task mode' again. "We really need to get you warm," he muttered under his breath, his golden eyes melting with concern, his tone equally soft if a bit gruff yet. She nodded slowly and took his hand. He led her toward the ladder at the back of his office and she stared at him with one brow cocked.

"There's a hole in your roof, Cullen, I hardly think going up there is going to warm me up all that much."

She was certain she caught a smirk at his lips but it was gone too quickly to tell for sure. "You'd be surprised," he replied. When she didn't move, he smiled, his eyes shining with amusement. "Dagna had the hole enchanted, or something along those lines, I find it difficult to keep up with her explanations sometimes," he said with a shake of his head. "You won't feel the cold, I promise." He nodded with his head, indicating for her to climb the ladder first.

She let out a staccato snort as she took hold of the ladder. "You just want a good look at my arse," she muttered as she began to climb.

He coughed into his hand, chuckling. "Considering how unsteady you are on your legs, Lady Lavellan, I thought it best to stay below you in case I need to catch you again." She growled as she reached the top, cursing him for choosing tonight of all nights to be _smooth_.

She had never been in his room before. Dark furniture lined the edges, smooth and shiny wood that glistened in the firelight. A thick red rug covered much of the floor, and there was a cosy looking sofa pressed against the wall on the right, near the roaring flames. It was the bed, however, that caught her eye the most. The dark four poster bed took up most of the space up here, the covers were red, gold and cream and she couldn't help but picture just how good Cullen would look spread out on it.

Distracted as she was, she didn't even hear him come up behind her, until he was touching her elbows and speaking to her. "I told you it wasn't cold up here," he said with a small twitch of his lips.

"Exactly what I was thinking about," she mumbled sarcastically as she watched him cross the room to pull out several blankets from the bottom of the wardrobe.

She began unbuckling her armour just as Cullen turned to face her once more; he went bright red and immediately averted his gaze. She scoffed as she shrugged out of it all, leaving her in just her slightly damp shirt and drenched trousers.

"Cullen, I wear less than this to breakfast," she laughed as he kept his eyes locked firmly on the ground. "Have you got a shirt I could borrow? Mine's wet."

"A… y-yes, of course," he said quickly as he rummaged through his chest of drawers. She watched him with a smirk, only feeling _slightly_ guilty for admiring the view with his back to her like this. He handed her the shirt and looked to be heading to the ladder to give her some privacy to change. She stopped him with her hand.

"Just hold up the blanket," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"I- alright, if you're certain," he said as he did as she suggested. She immediately pulled off her wet clothes and then let Cullen's shirt slip down over her head and shoulders. It smelled of him and she inhaled deeply. A smile bloomed across her lips as she looked down at herself. She looked ridiculous in this oversized man-shirt. But at least she didn't need trousers, seeing as it went half way down her thighs.

She grabbed the blanket from him and wrapped it around herself. "Thank you," she said earnestly with a soft smile. He cleared his throat, nodding.

"Of course, Inquisitor."

She sighed and headed over to the sofa, wanting to feel the heat of the fire warming her still-cool skin. She stared at the flames, watching them consume the logs with sizzles and pops. It was strange being here in such an intimate setting with Cullen, usually at this time of night, she would be snuggled up against Solas' side in the physical world while they both dreamed together. So often her nights had been spent with him showing her all the wonders he had found in the Fade. She might not get to see those wonders ever again, she realised. Tears pricked at her eyes and she blinked them away. She just needed to survive until he gave her answers, once she could understand his reasons for leaving, it would help. Or so she told herself over and over.

Cullen suddenly came to sit next to her on the sofa. She hadn't even noticed him slip out of his armour, leaving him in just a shirt and trousers. He too had draped a blanket over his shoulders, a rich wine red one, and he was now drying his damp curls with a towel. She smiled at the sight of him but he didn't notice. He was still in task-mode, and soon he was offering her the towel, too.

She nodded as she went to untie her braid.

"Allow me?" he asked. His voice was like silk now and she swallowed thickly, giving him a slight dip of her head in response rather than risking words, given how hoarse they would likely sound.

She watched him slowly undo her braid, his large warrior's hands surprisingly nimble as they worked their way up her hair. His knuckles brushed her cheek and she was certain she was the one turning red now. She tilted her head to the side as he reached the top of the braid, finally untying it all. He dragged both his hands through her damp hair, separating the long strands so they splayed out around her.

"So beautiful," he whispered.

The look in his eyes as she peered up at him through her lashes was nothing short of scorching, with his molten gold irises alive like flowing liquid, constantly changing colour due to the flickering fire caught in their reflection. He was so close to her, she could feel his breath against her lips. It would only take her moving forward a little for their lips to meet...

But like all the other 'moments' they'd shared, this one ended just as abruptly when Cullen remembered that she needed to dry her hair. He pulled back, clearing his throat and handed her the towel. He got up from the sofa as she went about trying to dry and tame her hair. He looked so… normal with the blanket draped around him and his curly hair all mussed up. Gone was the Commander of the Inquisition's forces, this was just Cullen, her friend.

He rubbed the back of his neck and she smiled knowingly. "What's wrong?"

His head flicked to her, eyes slightly wide. "I –" He sighed roughly. "Would you like a drink?"

"You have drink up here?"

He cleared his throat. "A few bottles," he muttered. She let out a chuff of laughter and smiled at him.

"Wine?"

"Is red okay with you? I can go get a white if you'd prefer-"

"Red's great."

"Right," he croaked.

He opened up a cabinet near his bed and Rhaiya couldn't help but smirk at the sight of the 'few' bottles he had stored there. Most seemed unopened. An amber liquid appeared to be his favourite – he had drunk more than half of that. He brought the bottle of red over, along with two glasses. He filled hers, then handed it to her. She took a cautious sip of it, but ended up humming her approval as the rich fruity taste washed over her parched tongue. He took a fairly big gulp of his before setting it down on the windowsill above their heads. She kept hers in hand as Cullen sat crossed-legged in the seat next to her and reached up to the cabinet behind him. He pulled down a large box, which he then unfolded to reveal a portable chess board.

"I said there were other ways to think, safer ways. So it's this, or you can help me plan Inquisition troop movements while you mull things over. Which will it be?"

The commanding tone of his voice made her heart flutter and she smiled. "Chess sounds wonderful, although you better not take advantage of my distracted state of mind, Commander," she teased.

His expression grew serious and his gaze locked with hers. "I would never."

She swallowed, her throat suddenly feeling dryer than it had all night. His gaze fell away, instead focusing on setting up the chess board. He pulled the pieces out from a hidden compartment in the bottom. The board itself rested across his knees and she swivelled to better face him. Warmth flooded through her where their legs touched and she smiled coyly at him. She was hoping that, by distracting herself with a game of chess – and _not_ the man she was playing it with – her mind would simply sort out her thoughts and feelings in the background. That's how she solved a lot of problems, but she wasn't sure if a broken heart could be fixed with a distraction. It needed to be put back together again.

Cullen moved the first piece and she followed with her own move, not thinking much on her strategy at this point as she let her mind wander. She had begged Solas not to leave her. But he had. Worse still, he had left her crying on her knees out in the middle of Crestwood. Their entire horse ride out there, she had been so happy. They had talked the whole way. He had taken her to that spot to show her just how much she meant to him. And she had been utterly blindsided by him ending it with her. She was still reeling from the blow now. But she was the Inquisitor, she needed to shake it off and get back on her feet. But this time, this time she wasn't sure she could do that, not on her own.

"Rhaiya?" Cullen asked quietly.

She glanced at him, blinking.

He smiled slightly. "It's your turn."

"Oh."

She moved her piece, not really caring at this point where she put it or what that meant. It was as he made his counter-move that she opened her mouth again.

"He broke up with me," she said as tears welled in her eyes once more. Cullen's hand faltered and he knocked over a chess piece in the process. She gave him a tearful smile as he fumbled to pick it up again.

"Wh-" He shook his head, scowling. "What happened? If… if you don't mind my asking?"

She let out a shaky breath, her fingers trembling in her lap. "I don't know."

"It didn't have anything to do with your-" he pointed at her face, "vallaslin, did it?"

"No," she said as she ran her fingers over her forehead where the marks once were. "I asked him to take those. They weren't what I – we – thought they were." She sighed, as the disappointment she had felt when Solas had initially told her the truth returned. Her people were wrong about so much. But she knew most would be too proud and stubborn to believe anything she told them now. "They were slave markings. Our people were little different to how Tevinter is," she explained. "But it doesn't matter. I've not been Dalish for a while now. I doubt I'll ever go back to them." She sniffed, trying to compose herself again.

"I'm sorry," he said plainly. She peered up at him, frowning at the sadness tinting his gaze. "You never asked for any of this-"

"Maybe so," she interrupted. "But I don't regret becoming Inquisitor, Cullen. I don't regret meeting any of you. I don't even regret falling for Solas, not really. I _am_ angry at myself for letting it affect me though. I should be better than that, for all our sakes."

He was smiling a little as he shook his head. "Despite what the stories say about you, Rhaiya, you are just a woman. A rather extraordinary one, granted. But it was you who once told me that it's okay to put the Inquisition aside now and then when you're hurting. Nobody will fault you for doing just that now."

"Even so, I should be stronger. This was just so sudden, and he gave so few answers. He _was_ half my strength, with him gone, I feel…" she closed her eyes briefly as she sighed roughly. "I shouldn't be burdening you with any of this, Cullen, not after-"

"I asked," he reminded her, his tone somehow firm and soft all at once.

"I know," she said as the corners of her mouth twitched up in a sad smile. "I should go though. I'm much warmer now." His eyes widened with panic as she got up from the sofa and he fumbled with the chess board, hurrying to get it out of his way as he too rose to his feet.

"You shouldn't have to be alone right now," he said and her heart lurched in her chest at his pained words.

She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder, her eyes welling with tears. "You're a good man, Cullen. I should have chosen you." She took another step toward the ladder but froze at his next whispered words.

"You still can."

Her breath faltered as her lungs filled with warmth and she chanced another glance back at Cullen. For once, he wasn't rubbing at his neck or looking uncertain, he was holding firm, his eyes full of concern and… adoration. Solas's breakup with her had sent her reeling, but this was nearly enough to knock her to the ground.

She found herself shaking her head though. It was too much too fast. She bolted down the ladder and threw open the nearest door. The cold air of the snowstorm outside blasted her in the face and she gasped, halting in her tracks. She stared out into the black and white landscape around her. The one of silhouette and shadow, of snow and moonlight.

The cold settled over her, eating away at the warmth that had filled her chest just moments ago. She still had Cullen's blanket wrapped around her shoulders, still wore his shirt. She could smell him. Despite the strong winds, that's what she could smell the most.

She pulled the blanket closer to her, wanting _him_ closer to her. Wanting him. She realised he was right. She didn't want to be alone, not tonight, maybe not ever, and if she didn't have to be…

She was turning around, closing the door and climbing the ladder before she'd even realised her feet had taken that first step back inside.

Cullen's back was to her. He was rubbing his neck with one hand as the other picked up scattered pieces of the chess board that had apparently been sent flying across the cabinet's surface.

"Cullen."

He turned, his hand dropping away from his neck as his eyes widened with surprise. He opened his mouth but she dared not let either of them say another word. She surged forward, pressing forward on her tip toes, unused to a partner with such height over her, and slanted her lips over his.

In an instant, that contact with his hot wet lips had the warmth in her chest turn scorching. He sucked in air through his nose, nostrils flaring as his hands came up to cup the sides of her face. His hands were rough, calloused so unlike smooth ones she was used to. She pushed those thoughts away. It wasn't right to compare them. But hadn't she been doing that for months now?

Her hands clung to his shirt, fisting the loose material. She shivered at feeling all that hard muscle lying just beneath, at feeling his pounding heart beat under her palms. She let out a soft sigh as his hands slid over her flushed skin and up into her wine-red hair. She was surprised his hands didn't sizzle against the cold dampness of it, hot as they were. They threaded through the locks, curled around long strands, and he gently angled her head backward. His tongue slipped in next. She had been expecting it, wanting it, but it still overwhelmed her as it plunged aggressively in, surging forward just as she had surged into his arms moments ago.

She only realised the blanket had fallen from her shoulders as the cooler air of the room caressed her flushed skin. And then Cullen's hands were no longer in her hair, but gripping her back, splayed out and roaming across it. Her shirt lifted, exposing her ass and then his hands were there too, squeezing and forcing a low moan from her mouth which he greedily swallowed.

She urged him backwards, toward the sofa, even as she scrambled to lift his shirt over his head. There was a brief moment where lips parted as that shirt was removed where eyes could flicker down to drink in all that muscle and dark blond hair, before their lips were sealed together once more. Her hands sliding against his bared chest, all that hard unyielding muscle, had yet more moans falling from her lips. Moans that had Cullen's grabbing hands squeezing her arse harder, tugging them flush together.

A stumbled step, a grunt and a gasp later, and Rhaiya was suddenly flat on her back on the sofa with Cullen on top of her. Her legs opened for him and his weight pressed flush against her. She could feel every hard inch of him, feel the ripple of his muscles as they held him above her, and his hardness rubbing against her wetness all through the thin material of her smalls and his trousers. She moaned into his mouth as she wrapped her hands around his neck, letting her fingers card through his hair.

"Are you sure?" Cullen asked, panting. Their breath mingled, damp and hot against her skin. Her eyes found his, sky blue staring into golden dawn.

"I'm sure, Cullen."

She captured his lips again in a desperate rushed kiss, her tongue thrust into his opened mouth, tangling with his. Her fingers tightened in his hair, those still-damp locks slipping easily through her fingers. She used them to drag him closer to her, whimpering in delight as her hips bucked up into his to feel his hardness through his trousers. He pulled her hair, wrapping the long strands around his fist several times and angling her head back as he returned their kiss, chasing her tongue back into her mouth.

She could feel the tremble of his muscles as he leant against his forearm, trying not to crush her. His other hand wandering over her body, up the smooth skin of her thighs, his calloused digits scraping across it, up to where her shirt had bunched up around her waist. That big warrior's hand began to push the shirt up, insistent on it being removed. She arched her back in response, helping him to tug it up and off. A smirk bloomed across her lips as it went past her head and left him staring down at all her pale and freckled skin in awe. She watched him drinking her in, the firelight flickering wildly across his face, making his eyes burn like hot cinders one moment and then turning them black as coal the next. He took her breath away.

She rocked against him again and stifled a groan with a bite of her lip. He felt so much… more than what she was used to. Part of her was actually worried he would break her, but right now that didn't sound like such a bad idea. Falling apart around this big strong warrior, one of her closest friends – watching _him_ do the same. She scrambled forward, needing him to be free of his remaining clothes.

Delicate fingers sought out the ties of his trousers, making him let out a deep chuckle at her eagerness. That chuckle stuttered off into a hiss as she ran her fingers over his bulge.

"Maker's breath, Rhaiya."

She smiled up at him, pride flaring in her chest at making him hiss like that and began to tug at the rope cord of his trousers. With it loose, she slipped her hands down over his hips, feeling scars she had never known existed before she pushed both trousers and smalls down. She let her fingers slip over his firm ass, giving it a gentle squeeze before pushing the clothes further. Cullen grunted breathlessly against her ear as he buried his face in her hair, near overwhelmed by her touch. He shoved them down lower, out the way and sat up enough for her to get a full view of what she had just freed. Her mouth went dry at the sight, even as it fell open. She wasn't sure _that_ would fit. Cullen was smirking as her stunned gaze flicked back up to his face and she could feel the heated blush hit her cheeks full force. Even with her feeling uncertain it would fit, she needed it, needed _him_.

"Please," she whispered, already missing the feel of him pressing her into the sofa and the taste of him on her lips.

Her quiet words shattered the pause that had settled over them and Cullen surged forward, leaning back over her to take her lips with his once again. She rocked against him, this time her smalls the only barrier from him sliding within her. Instead she ground against it, feeling him brush over her sensitive bundle of nerves and making her moan shamelessly into Cullen's mouth. She ran her tongue over his lips, feeling the scar that cut through them and deciding to trace it with her tongue. Cullen rumbled out a groan as her tongue flicked over it and she smiled against his lips, flicking her eyes open briefly to commit to memory Cullen's face at such close proximity with his eyes scrunched shut like this.

Rhaiya returned to kissing him, moaning as he once again wrapped her hair around his fist and rocked his hips into her. There was a low growl in his throat as her panties once again got in the way. His hand travelled lower, over her stomach. There was a snap a moment later and then Rhaiya felt her ruined panties getting tossed to the floor. The warmth of the room washed over her arousal before being followed by something much hotter sliding against her. She shuddered, back arching and Cullen captured her moans with his mouth, swallowing them.

She rocked against him as he slipped past her entrance again. Her walls quivered, both wanting him to thrust in while also fighting such a thick intrusion. Cullen bit into her lip with each stroke, his whole body trembling as he tried to stay in control. With each brush she was left moaning, her nails digging deep into his neck and back, no doubt making that difficult.

Cullen groaned, lashes briefly fluttering open to watch her. His eyes were so dark, like her, he was barely controlling himself.

"Let go and fuck me," she demanded, her chest heaving.

If it were possible, his pupils blew open even wider. A smirk twitched at his lips and she found herself holding her breath as he lined himself up with her entrance. She gave him the briefest of nods, their gazes firmly locked. Then he thrust into her.

He grunted against her mouth, near-hissing as he sheathed himself in her but it was drowned out by her own cries. Her whole body had tensed as it tried to fight the sudden intrusion, her nails digging deep into the back of his neck.

Through several deep breaths, she slowly relaxed some, getting more comfortable. She kissed him desperately, like he was her air now. He greedily devoured her mouth, savagely plunging his tongue down her throat as he held himself perfectly still, waiting for her to adjust.

A few gasped breaths later and she finally felt relaxed enough. She released her grip on Cullen's neck and instead threaded her hands back into his hair. "Cullen," she breathed out, voice quaking.

"I have you," he replied between kisses.

" _Move_." She bucked her hips for emphasis, hissing as she did so as he slid in just a little further.

He rumbled out a groan as he slowly withdrew. He paused on the upstroke, gave a single roll of his hips which had her seeing stars and back arching clear of the bed as it rubbed over her sweet spot before he slammed back into her, sheathing himself to the hilt. Cries flew from her lips as he repeated the motions, making sure she really was ready for him. The suspense of these agonisingly slow thrusts was making her moan, her entire body trembling.

Finally satisfied, his pace picked up and he drove into her wildly. His hips snapped hard against hers, every thrust brutal and fast. She had never been this filled and stretched before, it was taking her breath away, making it hitch in her throat; some gasps were swallowed by hard lips, others only added to the sounds now filling the room. She could hear the fire crackling in the background, could even hear the winds howling outside, but all of that was background to the sound of slapping flesh, to the grunts and pants of Cullen over her and her own whimpered moans and gasps.

She grabbed at his back desperately urging him on as she rocked with him, her legs open wide and scrambling for purchase around his hips. He groaned in response, pulling back from her to suck in a lungful of air and rake his hands through her hair, pushing the sweaty locks away from her face, before he swallowed down her moans with another all-devouring kiss. Their teeth knocked together and tongues tangled, both of them kissing like their lives depended upon it.

She dragged her hands up his back, nails leaving a red trail over his skin, relishing the shudder that travelled through him because of it. That shudder made his manhood twitch where it was buried inside her and she bit down on his lip, drawing blood as her own body shuddered in response. The feral growl Cullen let out next had her gasping as he drove into her with renewed vigour, rutting into her almost animalistically with his ferocity and urgency. Her legs scrambled for foothold against the backs of his thighs as he drove into her as her hands continued to claw and grasp at his muscled warrior's shoulders.

He pulled back, leaving her kiss-bruised lips to nip and bite at her jaw instead. She craned her head back as much as she could with his hands fisted so tightly in her hair as he moved down to kiss at her neck. His rough stubble scratched against the delicate skin there as he sucked on her pulse point, teeth and strong wet lips no doubt leaving their mark. The thought of her being _his_ sent delicious shivers down her spine and had her toes curling into the sofa.

His strong arms grabbed at her legs, pushing them up so they were practically folded at either side of her torso as his mouth moved back up to swallow her gasps. The shift in positions had him driving even harder into her, deeper than she'd ever taken anyone before. She could feel her muscles down there tighten with each of his hard thrusts; that steely rod pounding into sweet spots she hadn't realised existed. Her whole body was shaking with those thrusts, even as it moved with him, meeting each one with eagerness that matched the hunger burning inside her as they both chased their releases.

She wrapped her arms around Cullen's own where they rested above her shoulders, desperately needing to hold onto something as her gasps turned to a continual chorus of moans. His grunts joined her cries, their mouths sealing together less frequently as they both sucked in air. She tried biting down on her lip to stifle her loud moans but Cullen growled. He leaned down and prized her lips open with his teeth, his near-black eyes surrounded by the golden halo of his irises.

"So I can hear you."

Her moan broke in her throat, turning into a cry and what was left of that golden halo was finally eaten away entirely by his lust-blown pupils.

"I want to hear you scream my name," he said through his grunts.

"Cullen…!" she half cried, half moaned as that fire began to ignite in her belly, making her sweat as he continued to drive her toward the edge. She could tell he was right there with her, his thrusts starting to lose their rhythm with his urgency to reach release within her. Everything became about reaching that point, finding sweet satisfaction to the desire crashing through them.

Her cries were falling freely now as she clung to Cullen, her arms wrapped around his trembling biceps as their hips snapped together erratically. That fire in her gut finally peaked, making her whole body tense, right on the precipice of her orgasm.

Cullen kissed her again, desperately, her hair knotted around one fist, his other hand now at her throat, cupping her jaw and cutting off her airway just a tiny bit with his weight. It was enough to make her see stars and throw her over the edge.

Her orgasm exploded through her and she screamed Cullen's name as her whole body convulsed under his, clenching and clamping down around him, and then Cullen was roaring as he too found release.

Both of them finally sated, Cullen collapsed down onto her, chest panting and coated in sweat. Her quivering legs hung on either side of him, one falling off the sofa to rest upon the cool stone ground. She didn't feel cold though, not with the warmth still filling her body and the hot muscled man flush against her. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers carding through his hair as she tried to get her own breathing under control. She could hear him doing the same next to her ear, his hot pants making shivers travel down her spine.

She shifted, suddenly very aware of what she had just done. Never mind that this was Cullen, her Commander, that she was his boss, that she was the Inquisitor and wasn't supposed to have moments of weakness like this, moments where she was selfish. She had done it while her heart was still in pieces and now it ached more than ever because she didn't know what this _meant_. She had never been fucked quite like that, and there was no mistaking it as exactly that. This wasn't the love making she was used to with Solas, but she hadn't wanted that when she'd kissed Cullen, not after the day she'd had. But now? Now she didn't know what would happen, what to expect. And she hated not knowing what to expect. Maybe it was the Dalish hunter in her, always wanting to know what lay ahead, the part of her that hated surprises. She wasn't sure, but she suddenly wanted to be anywhere but pinned underneath him.

Cullen sensed her unease and lifted his head to look at her. There was a soft smile at his lips but it quickly fell away when he saw the unease in her own gaze.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" he reflexively asked as he shifted his weight off of her and pulled out of her. He came to lie next to her, on his side, staring down at her.

She shook her head no even as she winced slightly from the sudden cold washing over her body and the slight ache down below from their fierce rutting.

"I-" she started, trying to find the words. "What-" She frowned, sighing.

That smile returned to his lips, a soft expression full of adoration and her gut twisted. If this was a one-time thing, she wasn't sure she'd be able to look at him, let alone speak with him ever again without picturing everything that had just happened between them again in vivid detail. And _miss_ it.

"Rhaiya," he said, drawing her attention back to him and his warm golden eyes. "That was…" His cheeks flushed and he let out a nervous little chuckle. The kind that always made her stomach flip. It didn't fail to do so now either.

She smiled, laughing too. "Yeah…"

He rubbed at the back of his neck with his free hand, avoiding her gaze as he smiled.

"That's not my usual… style," he admitted, coughing.

She gave him a sheepish smile. "Nor mine."

"That's… good. I hope I didn't give you the impression I only wanted…" He shook his head, scowling. "It's not the case, Rhaiya."

She blinked up at him, slightly confused as to what he was saying and he sighed.

"I'm making a mess of this, aren't I?"

A smirk touched her lips. "I think we both are, Cullen."

He smiled in exasperation. "What I meant – what I wanted to say was, I care a great deal for you. Those… feelings have only grown since that first kiss. It would have been wise perhaps to try to move on, but there _is_ no moving on from you. Without a doubt, you are the most remarkable woman I know."

She couldn't help the little giggle that slipped out, even as warmth and hope flooded through her at his words. He gave her the most perplexed look and then she waved her left hand at him. The mark flickered a dull green and Cullen suddenly realised what he had said and laughed too.

"That was a… poor choice of words," he said, smiling ruefully.

"We're rather good at that, I think."

He chuckled. "Yes, one of us in particular, it seems." He cleared his throat. "My point, Rhaiya, was that you were there for me during my withdrawal. I will never forget the evenings you spent with me with a damp cloth over my brow, telling me stories from your clan while I fought the worst of the symptoms." A calloused finger trailed across her stomach, softly stroking her pale skin, making her shiver.

"You were there for me and I need you to know that I am here for you also – not, not just as a returned favour but because I want to be. Whatever you need, whenever you need it." She looked down at the finger stroking her stomach, frowning slightly. Did he mean sex? _Just_ sex? Her gut plummeted at the thought.

"And I-" He let out a rough breath. "I would prefer this not to be the last time I get to do _this_." He leaned down and kissed her again. For the briefest of moments, she worried he still meant the rough and desperate kisses they had shared not long ago. But this kiss was nothing like those. It was slow this time. Achingly so. The soft press of lips, the way they slid over hers, the feel of his fingers very lightly holding her chin and angling it upwards. It was like a caress. She moaned, melting into it.

When he pulled back, he was smiling, and she was too.

"I watched you with him," he said. "I was furious with myself for letting you slip through my fingers. I don't want to make that mistake again."

"You mean…?"

"One kiss was never enough. One night – a hundred nights, a thousand – will never be enough with you."

Her breath hitched at his confession. Her mouth opened and closed but no words came out. He gave her a nervous little smile, his eyes watching her face closely, trying to figure out what she was thinking.

"You'd really still have me, even after I-?"

He let out a breath of laughter, nodding. "I was already yours."

She stared at him, still trying to process his words. "I… don't know what to say," she admitted.

"Tell me you'll stay."

She stared up at him, smiling in disbelief. Even after she had chosen Solas over him, he was still _here_. There were a hundred different thoughts racing through her head, but she knew in her heart that his question meant more than stay until morning. She nodded. She could try to wrangle her emotions later, right now all that mattered to her was that she didn't have to be alone and that the man that had always shared half her heart still wanted her.

He smiled and his eyes raked over her naked form where it lay next to him on the sofa. When his gaze returned to hers, it was once again filled with hunger. She swallowed.

"I'm going to take my time with you this time." She didn't even get a chance to voice her surprise before he was scooping her up and gracefully climbing off of the sofa with her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck, giggling into his chest as the sudden realisation of just how happy she was feeling right now hit her. She hadn't expected to feel happy for a long time, not with how hollow and alone she felt, but here she was.

In a few short strides he was at the bed, placing her down on the end of it. She gave him a puzzled look as he gathered up the pillows, gave some to her, and then put others on the floor. He then knelt in front of her, right at the foot of the bed. He slid his hands up her closed legs, his rough hands once again making her shiver. He then pulled her knees apart and dragged her even closer to the edge of the bed. She gasped. He was eye level with her still-swollen quim. He was so close she could his breath on her, down _there_.

"Cullen, what are you-?"

"So beautiful," he breathed out.

She blushed crimson even as she tried to scramble away from him but he locked his thick warrior arms around her legs, holding her in place. He looked up at her, gaze practically scorching with its intensity.

"I told you I would take my time with you."

* * *

 **A/N:** My ability to write implicitly runs out here, I'm afraid. Lmao. So there _is_ oral. But you'd need the AO3 version to read that. Sorry! Hopefully my implicit edits were okay... I'm really not used to writing so... vaguely. I'm usually much more explicit. ;) Anyway. I hope you liked it, throw some love at me if you did - It's the Holidays, after all! Reviews, faves, random gushing PMs are all very, very welcome. I have no idea if I will write more for this pairing so for now it's stand alone.

Have a wonderful Holiday season guys, and a happy New Year.


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